Smile

Today I heard from two of my friends…It can be so hard when I know they are going through so much. I know that every day is a struggle for every one of them. But both of them know that I have been going through a really rough time lately and that things have been really sad in my house…And today I got a smile when Tommy called stressed and needing to talk. When he heard that I was upset and not doing well, he told me that he just didn’t want to think about his problems he wanted to make sure that he made me smile.

I relate this story because I want people to know that not everyone that is incarcerated is a monster. They are human beings that care about others just like any other person. Just human beings who have made mistakes….again like any other person. They have families and friends that love them, and that they love.

The DOC doesn’t make things easy for their families. It’s expensive to keep in contact with our loved ones, to visit our loved ones, and to take care of our loved ones. And often when we do visit we are treated as if we are the ones who did something wrong.

It makes me mad when I hear how easy people in prison have it. It’s not easy at all. Not for them, not for any of us. We just try to make it day by day one smile at a time.

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Top cop blames justice system for Chicago violence

Top cop blames justice system for https://instagram.com/p/4wo2Y-uPLo/ violence
http://www.cnn.com//2015/07/05/us/chicago-violent-weekend/index.html
There is nothing that saddens me more than stories like this. I was talking to a friend that was just getting ready. to get out of the joint.. He has two children.

I had a long talk with him another changing for the sake of his kids,, especially I his son who no matter how he tried to hide what he was doing, his son would see it.

He yelled at me that day and told me there was no way out for someone like him.

There was a lot more to the conversation but it was a day that he cried…. I cried…. And I realized for the rest of my life I’d be checking headlines….. And maybe one day attending a funeral either for my friend or one just like the one in this article. And its crap….and its crap. All people are people and yes there will be crime.. Without it, we don’t know what is good.. But prison is ones punishment.. After which it is our job as a society to allow people to make a life for themselves that doesn’t involve crime. We complain about the rate of recidivisn, but we create it. And innocent children due because we as a society need to be snobs.

I’ll never forget the fear in my friends voice at the thought of his kids gang banging. And for now he has control…… But there is only so long he can reasonably say no to behavior he engages in. He wants his kids to live in a better world.. Can we make it better for them?

Watch “Bars & Melody – Simon Cowell’s Golden Buzzer act | Britain’s Got Talent 2014” on YouTube

Bars and Melodies: Hopeful

This video made me cry! My. Beautiful daughter showed it to me. What makes it more special is that she is inspired by it after facing bullying last year that was serious enough for me to take every step possible with the school, when it continued, I pulled her out of school… I love that rather than getting down, she is so proud of her uniqueness and individuality…. I have such A wonderful daughter!!!!!

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And I love him…

I thought it was over….my marriage I mean. He filed for divorce and it has been a little over a year since we have had a decent conversation.

He never let go though, never let enough time pass that talking would be awkward. It didn’t matter if he knew my words would be unkind….he had hurt me and he knew it. I thought his phone calls were games. Aimed to hurt me, and oh how they did. Arrows aimed at my heart and they hit the mark every time.

He thinks I had so many other men because I chose male friends, and even tried to move on….but all of these people got a whole lot more than they bargained for….a lot of tears, and a lot of talk about my ex. Yet they were good people….God gave me good people to see me through this time and I’m grateful….forever and ever grateful to each and every one of them for every tear they helped dry. Every smile they dragged out of me. Every joke they told just to get me to laugh. Every I love you to let me know I wasn’t worthless, and every arm that was around me in my time of deep grief.

I really thought I’d never be with him again despite the calls. He was very clear….he loved the woman he cheated on me with. He didn’t love me anymore. It had seemed so easy for him to move on and I wondered if his heart hurt at all?

We promised each other forever…yet he seemed to have forgotten what forever meant. What marriage vows meant. And so my divorce was final. And three days later, he told me he wanted to try again.

I thought it was a sick joke. I was astounded. I didn’t know what to say. What to do?

It hasn’t been easy since that day he let me know that he still loved me. But we’ve come to terms with the fact that our feelings have not changed and we are, in fact, still in love. It’s a shame that our marriage was the cost for distrust, and two people who loved each other so much they just couldn’t wait until they were really ready to take that step….if we had, perhaps we’d still be married. But what is a piece of paper and a ring? At least I still have the wonderful man I love, and we are learning to trust each other again….and we are becoming closer and stronger than ever.  And I love him. Yes I love him. So very much I love him. And I always will.

Still in love

Luther Vandross sings the beautiful I’d Rather and I thought it fitting for today. My ex and I though recently divorced have never stopped loving each other.. Slowly we have worked our way back to each other.. Many things I have asked that he has been unable to answer and words I have desperately needed to hear that he would not say our if desire not to mislead me and or see either of us hurt again.

But now, we are enjoying each other again the way two people who love each other are supposed to.

I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us. whatever it is I know it’s special. because we share a bond that we only bring out in each other. and that’s a special kind of love one that I never want to lose.

Can I call you mom?

I have spent years trying so hard to make a difference in people’s lives, and as I look back on the memories of my life and the things that I have done, I realize I have. Sometimes through my work, sometimes in a much deeper and more personal way. I don’t know why some people connected with me on deeper levels while others stayed just a memory…what I do know is that God has given me a gift. A truly wonderful gift. And while there are some, even those closest to me, who might question my choices, even my choice of a career, I’ve never for a second doubted myself or my abilities to touch the lives of those around me.

Today I got to hear a story. A story that no one else has heard the entire truth of. I ask myself often when people confide in me…why me? Sometimes people say it’s because I listen, other times because I understand more than most people. Sometimes it’s because I’m easy to talk to. Ultimately I know it’s because God gave me a talent to nurture. I’ve been a nurturer my entire life, and I never knew what to make of it because it is a gift and a curse, one that allowed others to heal, yet usually left me hurt when the baby birds were healed and flew away.

I have a daughter. One daughter. And I’ve always lamented over the fact that I wanted more children. A son in particular. It’s come the time now that my daughter is taking a slight interest in boys, and the boy who likes her right now texts me and talks to me and I don’t mind a bit. I like to get to know the people that my daughter is befriending…but my heart just did a million and one flips when he asked if he could call me mom.

And I realized that I remember why I love to help other people so much. There are so many people in this world with good parents and without who just ache for good influences in their lives. They try so hard not to follow the negativity and somehow this world has taken a perspective that children are to be seen and not heard. Children are stifled in this world by parents that are overly strict and always telling them to sit down and shut up. It’s a joke I’ve made often…I spent the first year of her life begging her to speak and the past twelve begging her to be quiet…and that is an untruth, I love speaking to and listening to Cheyenne talk, but that is not true of all parents.

We as parents spend so much time being “shocked” by our kids behavior and trying to find new ways of making them behave that we have forgotten we were once young too. And that maybe….just maybe if our own parents had listened to us, yes taught us respect, discipline and responsibility and every other thing you want and need to teach your child, but really listened….and taken some time to remember that you were there once too….maybe we would actually save our kids from the evils that they dabble in trying to get our attention.

And that is just my two cents…It may not be a popular view but it’s mine and I’m proud to be someone that can be there for others, and can be a “mom” to more than just my own kid. After all I’ve been raising people since I still needed raising myself, and I hope I don’t ever have to stop.